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As a drummer, you will hear an ongoing list of drummer jokes throughout your playing years. While some may well have a basis in fact and other musos think they are funny, for the most part, drummers laugh at them too.

Here's some to prepare you before they start getting thrown at you regularly.

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What do you call a drummer with half a brain? 

Gifted. 


What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? 

A drummer. 


What did the drummer get on his IQ test? 

Drool. 


Why do bands have bass players? 

To translate for the drummer. 


How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you? 

You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground. 


What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine? 

You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once. 


Did you hear about the drummer who locked his keys in the car? 

It took him half an hour to get the bass player out! 


We know a guy who was so dumb his teacher gave him two sticks and he became a drummer, but lost one and became a conductor. 


Two cowboys were waiting in their fort for the Indians to attack. They listened to the distant pounding war drums. 

One cowboy muttered to the other, "I don't like the sound of them drums." 

Just then, a distant voice came over the hill, "It's not our usual drummer!" 


Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes? 

So they don't have to retrain the drummers. 


How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando? 

Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm. 


If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum. 


I asked my drummer to spell "Mississippi"... 

He said, "the river or the state?" 


How do you know if a drummer's platform is level? 

The drool comes out of both sides of his mouth. 


How do trumpet players park in the handicap spots? 

They put drumsticks on the dash. 


What do you call a dozen drummers at the bottom of the sea? 

A good start!! 


Did you hear about the drummer who got into college? 

No. 

Neither did I. 


What's the difference between a drummer and Dr. Scholl's foot pads? 

Dr. Scholl's foot pads buck up the feet. 


What is the difference between a drummer and a drum machine? 

A drum machine can keep a steady beat and won't steal your girlfriend! 


How many drummers does it take to wallpaper a room? 

Three, if you slice them thin enough! 


Why are drummers always losing their watches? 

Everyone knows they have trouble keeping time. 


What do you call a drummer who's lost his girlfriend? 

Homeless. 


How do you confuse a drummer? 

Give him a piece of sheet music. 


What do you call 10 drummers sitting in a circle? 

A dope ring. 


What is the difference between a drummer and a savings bond? 

One will mature and make money. 


How can you get a drummer off your porch? 

Pay for the pizza! 


How do you know when a drummers outside your door? 

The knock gets faster. 


"Hey buddy, how late does the band play?" 

"Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer." 


What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner? 

You have to plug one of them in before it sucks. 


A boy says to his mum, "Mum, when I grow up, I want to be a drummer." 
His mother scoffs and replies... 

"Well, you can't do both." 


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